“Lord, is it I?”

Of course it’s not you…it’s that shifty-eyed son-of-a-gun Judas sitting in the corner with the bag.  The one who wanted that pound of spikenard “for the poor” so he could pocket the difference.  The one who’s not “not Iscariot.”  The one who’s not you.  Whatever is wrong, it’s not your fault.  Wherever the responsibility lies, it’s not on your doorstep.  Whoever’s to blame, it’s not you…

“Lord, is it I?” (Mark 14:19)

There’s something compelling in the Apostles’ response to the Lord’s assertion that one of them would betray Him: a humble, almost child-like introspection that sets a high bar for personal accountability.  What a wonderful lesson for anyone attempting to form, maintain, repair, or nurture a sincere, committed relationship.

 

The free agency of our friends and family is ultimately beyond our control.  Thank goodness!  After all, that wonderful individual moral liberty is what we’ve fought for since the beginning, when “the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy.” (Job 38:7)  What a terrible thing to give up that liberty by shifting the responsibility onto others for the wellbeing of our most treasured relationships in life.  “Is it I?” is not so much an expression of self-doubt as it is a statement of personal empowerment, an acceptance of the responsibility each of us brings to our interactions with others.  Regardless of their decisions, we place ourselves in a position to act, to repent, to influence, to serve, to listen, to learn, to soften our hearts and see both the beauty in others and our own opportunities for growth.

If we feel like we’re powerless to improve the romantic relationships in our lives for the better; if we find ourselves with an abundance of shallow acquaintances and a dearth of committed friendships; if we seem unable to connect with the generations above and below us; maybe we’re in need of a dose of healthy, introspective Apostolic angst.  “Dad and Mom, what would you like from me?”  “Honey, what can I do?”  “Bud, am I letting you down?”  “Sister, how can I make things right?”  “Son, you’re important to me, and I’m sorry.”  

“Lord, is it I?”

In this virtual age of ours, the ability to reach out to our friends and relatives is greater than ever before, literally at the click of a button.  Be it sincere emails, shared photographs, concerned phone calls, or anonymous, internet-ordered deliveries of cookies (the soft kind, a dash of extra salt, plenty of chocolate chips…no raisins, please.  I can furnish my address as necessary.  So kind of you!), we are empowered as never before to follow the example of One who “went about doing good.” (Acts 10:38)  May we never give up that power by absolving ourselves of responsibility for the precious relationships over which Heavenly Father has given us stewardship.

“Here am I.” (Isaiah 6:8)

“What lack I yet?” (Matthew 19:20)

“Lord, is it I?”