What do you want?

"The desire of the righteous shall be granted." -Proverbs 10:24

"You want something, go get it.  Period." -The Pursuit of Happyness, 2006

"What desirest thou?" -1 Nephi 11:2

The modern life is the busy life.  It is the multi-tasking life.  It is the technologically enabled and expanded life.  The personalized, bookmarked, set-your-own-theme life.

And all too often, it becomes the unfocused life.  The uncommitted life.  The self-centered life.  The lonely life.  The life that presents so many options that it becomes easy to forget what we really want.  

So what do we want out of life?  What do we want out of the relationships that constitute "life" in any meaningful sense?  And what are we willing to do (i.e. to change) to make desires reality?

The modern miracles of technology inundate our daily lives with so much data that it can be easy to confuse "information" with "action."  This applies to the manner in which we invest in our relationships, be they romantic, parent-child, or friend-friend.  Sometimes we make the mistake of abdicating our own responsibility to live according to our righteous desires by holding back (i.e. withholding our hearts, our commitment, our best selves) until we receive divine revelation on what is "right."  We refuse to move forward in a committed direction until the universe aligns in that perfect cosmic fit (that perfect "social app") that...while it hasn't really ever come before, is sure to be just around the corner...right?

But when we focus so much on figuring out what is "right," we run the risk, along the way, of utterly failing to be a positive influence in the lives of those who are important to us.  And our doubts become self-fulfilling.  Why would we receive divine approbation for something we're not sure we want in the first place?  There is a tremendous difference between approaching the Lord with the wavering question "Is this right?" and the more hopeful "According to the righteous desires with which Thou hast blessed me, I want this.  Thy will permitting, what can I do to win your approval for this blessing?"

In short, there is tremendous power in deciding what we want in righteousness and living accordingly; in choosing a committed life over a busy life.  

So when it comes to nurturing a marriage, attracting a future spouse, raising a headstrong child, or connecting with work colleagues and friends...

What do you truly want?

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.

Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." -W.H. Murray, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition, 1951

Worth fighting for.

"If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now." -Jeffrey R. Holland, Cast Not Away Therefore Thy Confidence

"Pursue your goals with all your heart, might, mind, and strength.  You are doomed to failure if you pursue them in a vacillating manner." -Robert D. Hales, Ten Axiom to Guide Your Life


"Sam: 'Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't.  They kept going.  Because they were holding on to something.'  Frodo: 'What are we holding onto, Sam?'  Sam: 'That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo...and it's worth fighting for.'" The Two Towers (2002 Film)

There are some things in life worth fighting for.  Call them goals, call them priorities, call them treasures of the heart; ultimately, they are the reason we arise each morning with purpose.

People are worth fighting for.

In a society increasingly focused on instant gratification, illusory perfection and misleading superficiality, the patience-trying, at times glaringly imperfect and frustratingly complex people that fill our lives are worth fighting for.  The children's drawings on our refrigerators outshine the framed degrees on our walls.  The warm memories of Christmas conversations with loving parents outlast the company's holiday bonus check.  The quiet movie night with our spouse at home lifts us more than any exotic business trip.  The people standing at our graveside overshadow any other ephemeral "life achievements."

Loved ones are worth fighting for.

A Facebook "friendship" only intrudes on your space when it's convenient.  A romance novel only asks for your time when you're ready to waste it.  The ideal spouse, the perfect child, the sibling we wish we had...they're easy to love in the abstract.  But ours is the enriching opportunity to nurture friendships even when it's inconvenient, to sacrifice time for the pursuit of meaningful romance, to love the wonderfully imperfect spouse, child, and sibling who make life worth living.

We fight for our loved ones when we:

• Make them a priority; when we fit our schedules around them.
• Learn what makes them feel loved, and adjust our efforts of affection accordingly.
• Put their own well-being and happiness above our own self-centered doubts, frustrations, distractions and routines.
• Magnify our gender roles to provide and protect (men) or support and nurture (women).
• Avoid the trap of filling our life with so many good things (jobs, education, church responsibilities, hobbies) that we're too busy for the great things.
• See their potential with an eye of faith and recognize our own power to help them achieve it.

Ours is the opportunity to become a positive, uplifting influence in the lives of our loved ones as we truly learn to "lose ourselves in the service of others" by eschewing the modern-day temptations of "virtual" relationships, isolating entertainment, and multi-tasking "busy-ness" for the rich blessings of focused and steadfast commitment towards others.

And that's worth fighting for.

A Litmus Test

"If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?  And why are you waiting?"  ~Stephen Levine


"When something is missing in your life, it usually turns out to be someone."  ~Robert Brault


"No road is long with good company."  ~Turkish Proverb




There is a wonderful, enabling power in "living with clarity," in knowing our priorities and guiding each day accordingly.  Consider:


IF we believe the most precious blessings in our lives to be the people which enrich each day (be they spouse, child, parent, sibling, friend)...


IF we seek to be good stewards over these precious gifts of the present, the better to prepare for the eternal relationships with which God desires to entrust us (Matthew 25:21)...


IF we desire to "schedule our priorities" rather than "prioritize our schedules" (Steven Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)...


IF we champion fidelity to the beautiful joys of real, interpersonal, committed relationships with our fellow children of God in deed as well as in word...


THEN regarding each of those marvelous, multimedia, multitasking, technological tools that increasingly impact our daily lives, perhaps we should ask ourselves one simple question: 


Does this strengthen or weaken my most important relationships?


Technology can be both enabling and distracting, and the different options are seemingly endless!  Email, smart phones, downloadable movies, computer games, online social networking...


Whatever it may be, does it strengthen or weaken our most important relationships?


When we don't live each day in line with our priorities, we may feel as though "we see through a glass, darkly," (1 Corinthians 13:12) but the Lord is able to open our eyes and enlighten our understanding (D&C 76:12).


May each of us experience the light and happiness that comes from living with clarity.

On Purpose

“When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.” -Seneca


“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” -Robert Byrne


Internet "surfing."  Web "browsing."  We might as well call it "digital drifting."  So much of today's online activity is characterized by its apparent lack of purpose.  So much of the "time-saving" technology at our fingertips becomes a jumbled array of "time-killers" instead.  


We float from news article to news article nodding sagely at incredible amounts of information that rarely focuses our minds.  We bounce from blog to blog, laugh at a few friends' posts and consider those relationships "well-maintained."  We poke a few Facebook friends, upload a few pictures, and never quite get around to baking that plate of cookies for the lonely neighbor next door, but we will!  Right after we watch that next movie preview on Youtube...


In a way we're playing with fire.  The internet's a wonderful thing when it keeps us out of the DMV, Post Office and Bank line.  It's a magical tool when we need to write sincere letters to friends, download a spiritually motivating speech, conduct research for that next term paper, or purchase edifying music at the click of a button.


And it's poison to our souls when it keeps us from living in the moment, accomplishing real-world goals (Do you really "water" your virtual plants in that online video game?  How long did you spend deciding on your blog's new wallpaper?), and giving others our undivided attention.


Life is meant to be lived with purpose.  We are taught to be "anxiously engaged in" good causes with those around us, not numbly disengaged with trivialities from afar. (D&C 58:27)  


So what will we do with the time we are given today?  Whose lives will we bless?  What burdens will we lighten?  Whatever we do, may it be said that we did it "on purpose."

Take your time. It will be OK.

"Whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world." (Ether 12:4)

Buckle up.

This is the age of speed.  In the time it takes us to read those words, thousands--millions--of electronic messages just circled the globe.  Multitasking is now the norm.  Our phones aren't "smart" unless they sell our stocks, answer our email, and map our routes to the nearest overnight Fedex shipping point.  We are conditioned to think, decide and act while moving at 90 miles an hour (in a 55 zone).

But when it comes to the important people in our lives, maybe we would do well to slow down.  Maybe we would do well to savor the conversation pauses, the quiet moments simply spent together, the slow, organic progression of a dearly held relationship.  

And if a child goes astray, a spouse disappoints, or a close friend grows withdrawn, and momentary discouragement clouds our eternal perspective, perhaps we would do well to take our time, to look forward with faith, and to remember that as long as we struggle forward in our own inadequate way, reaching out to help those around us, things will be OK.  In this life and the next, we and our loved ones will be alright.

As a dear friend once taught me: "Give it a week.  A lot can happen in a week."

You Are Always Worth My Time

"'Heaven' isn't just a place where we feel loved.  'Heaven' is also a place where we are made to feel important." -Anonymous


"In truth, people can generally make time for what they choose to do; it is not really the time but the will that is lacking." -John Lubbock

Time.

By its very nature, it is finite, limited, ephemeral, and never seems to be around in sufficient quantities when we really need it.  If the value of a commodity is determined by demand vs. supply, then time is among the most precious treasures known to man.

How important, then is the investment of this ever-dwindling gift of mortality!*  What a wonderful affirmation of a person's importance to us, be they spouse, parent, child or friend, when we give unconditionally of our time!  Many of us make the mistake of "fitting" our loved ones into our predetermined schedules.  Perhaps we would do better to fit our schedules around quality time with our love ones.

What tremendous good it does when we help another feel that they are worthy of our time!  What tremendous growth comes when we ensure that we keep ourselves worthy of theirs.

*And in the interest of time, why rehash an already excellent article on the subject?  To whit:

http://lds.org/general-conference/print/2011/10/a-time-to-prepare/?lang=eng

A Beautiful Day

"The abundant life is a spiritual life. Too many sit at the banquet table of the gospel of Jesus Christ and merely nibble at the feast placed before them. They go through the motions—attending their meetings perhaps, glancing at scriptures, repeating familiar prayers—but their hearts are far away. If they are honest, they would admit to being more interested in the latest neighborhood rumors, stock market trends, and their favorite TV show than they are in the supernal wonders and sweet ministerings of the Holy Spirit." -Joseph B. Wirthlin, The Abundant Life


"Decide what media you are going to participate in before you actively participate....Many evils of the Internet could be avoided if, before we even use the computer, we plan what worthwhile tasks we will undertake, accomplish that task, and then get off." -Anonymous


The past twelve hours could be summarized as follows:

• Spent the evening with friends instead of watching a movie
• Woke up to watch the sunrise instead of updating online chat status
• Took a phone call from a little sister instead of surfing Facebook
• Watched and pondered a General Conference talk instead of watching a Youtube clip
• With little time left before work, wrote a quick "online to-do list," checked it off, got back to real life
• Looked at my watch--7:30 AM

Today will be a tangible, "real" day...

and it feels so good.

"Love at Home" or Bust!

"The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ." -The Family: A Proclamation to the World


"There is beauty all around when there's love at home." -Love at Home, LDS Hymnal

In our quest to faithfully live and experience reality, is there anything more real than our relationships with others?  Are there any relationships more central to our happiness and well-being than those found in the family?  How disappointing when our tender hopes for the ideal family described above rudely meet the realities of daily living in an imperfect world!

But what if the gap between "the ideal" and "reality" is smaller than we think?  A gap that we, with our loved ones, could easily bridge?  Why would we settle for less?  Nobody, whether single or married, wealthy or poor, healthy or sick, childless or child...ful; nobody wants to settle.  To "settle" implies that we have accepted much less than we could have had.  It implies a willingness to trade our fondest, if temporarily unrealized, desires for something of much less worth, all because of its ready availability.

So if nobody wants to settle (above all in matters of family love) why do we do it so often?

When cheap professional accolades replace long-term, hard-won family tranquility as our ultimate focus, we settle.

When we gratify our pride in the moment with sharp retorts, rather than develop a habit of soft, loving responses, we settle.

When we selfishly substitute pornography, romance novels, or virtual socializing for real, worthwhile relationships, we settle.

When we overindulge in food or slovenly, ultra-casual dress, making ourselves less attractive to our (current/future) spouses in the process, we settle.

When family conversations become a cacophony of self-centered diatribes rather than a symphony of selfless listening, we settle.

When online video games or frivolous gossip sessions replace quality, nurturing time with our spouses or children, we settle.

When enervating expressions of doubt override enabling faith and the mutual courage to trust; when nagging replaces encouragement*; when our "love" and "affection" become conditional, we settle.

It is a constant challenge of mortality to learn to press forward with an eternal perspective, with that "perfect brightness of hope" that leads so naturally to a "love of God and of all men." (2 Nephi 31:20)  We refuse to settle for anything less from life than steadfast "Love at Home" when we replace instant gratification with eternal reward.  When we sow daily acts of kindness, solicitous selflessness, tender and unconditional affection, ready encouragement, an unwavering loyalty, the harvest of family love that we reap will multiply throughout the ages.

As "children of God" (Romans 8:16), we are rightful heirs to our own heavenly home.  A loving family is promised to all who faithfully live with an eternal perspective.

Why settle for anything less?

*As an example of wonderful encouragement, a gentle challenge lovingly issued with the absolute confidence that those challenged are equal to the task, see this stirring address by Elaine S. Dalton:
http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/love-her-mother?lang=eng

I've Been Thinking of You

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." -Matthew 6:21


"Twas her thinking of others made you think of her." -Elizabeth Browning

I've been thinking of you.

I mean, I have a lot on my plate.  Plenty of very important distractions, you know.  Pressing chain emails to perpetuate, online banking accounts to *ahem* balance, photos to upload, songs to download, favorite Youtube clips to forward, smart phones with which to fiddle, blogs to peruse (oh, the irony) and twitters to, um...tweet.

But through it all, I find my thoughts consistently bending gently in your direction.

I think about hopes you've shared with me, about experiences we've braved together, about the tremendous good you have brought into my life.  I think about how you manage to bring out the best in me.  To quote an ancient prophet, "I am mindful of you always in my prayers." (Moroni 8:3)  I pray for your successes and happiness, both just as sweet to me as if they were my own.

You might be a parent, a spouse, a child or a friend.  You might be sitting on the couch next to me or waking up on the far side of the world.  Perhaps we saw each other just yesterday.  Perhaps we haven't locked eyes in years.  But with desire and practice, thinking of your well-being before my own becomes instinctive.  Being "mindful of you" makes considerate service effortless, makes sincere gestures natural, makes the sweet moments of life all the more frequent.

Thank you for shielding me from the despairing darkness of a self-absorbed life.

Thank you for gracefully introducing me to the, light, the hope and the joy that come from truly living that divine counsel of old:

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." -John 15:13

"A Little Handwritten Note to Say How Important You Are"

"To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart." ~Phyllis Theroux

"The pen is mightier than the [electronic] server." ~Unknown

"What a lot we lost when we stopped writing letters. You can't reread a phone call."  ~Liz Carpenter

"Letter writing is the only device for combining solitude with good company."  ~Lord Byron

Some of the most touching moments in life, the moments worth living for, are rooted in handwritten letters.  We hold in our hands the paper carefully chosen, inscribed upon, folded and sent with care by loved ones who cared enough to patiently, pensively record in their familiar, individual script a message meant for us, mailed to us, just for us.

That precious paper remains always available for us to retrieve and reread as often as we desire to mentally and emotionally draw near once again to dear friends and family separated by time and distance.  So for those of us looking to reintroduce a little more sincerity and thoughtfulness to our otherwise frenetic lives, fifteen minutes with a pen and paper could be all it takes to make a loved one's day.

Helpful Links:

A comprehensive guide to the art of the handwritten letter: http://www.handwrittenletters.com/

A thought-provoking article on a  disappearing art of communication: http://yourlife.usatoday.com/your-look/5-ways/story/2011/08/Dont-write-off-the-joys-of-a-personal-letter/49915532/1

Online Lessons in Calligraphy and Penmanship: http://www.iampeth.com/lessons.php

Facebook: A Fickle Friendship Facilitator

"Facebook is like jail.  You sit around and waste time, write on walls and get poked by people you don't know" -Unknown

"In Facebook, it's easier to 'Like' than to 'Comment.'  In real life, it's easier to 'Like' than to 'Commit.'"

All in all, Mark Zuckerberg's a pretty smart guy.

Thanks to him and like-minded social media networking programmers, we've never been able to keep in touch with so many friends at once.  We've never been able to reconnect more easily, organize events more quickly, or solicit happy birthday wishes more effectively.

In that vein, a friend, Mr. John Headley, recently shared a very thought-provoking article about double-edged social sword that we call "Facebook:"

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204660604574370450465849142.html


Mr. Headley contributed the following insights on the above article:


"I look at facebook and social netowrking sites as simply another prism through which to view the real world. To a certain degree, I actually think it makes life more intimate, but potentially more harsh. I remember when chat rooms first came out, a great many inhibitions were lost because you were basically talking out into a void. You knew people were on the other end, but you expected you'd never contact them again, and outside of a user name, they knew nothing else about you. So naturally, you said things you might never have said if it had been in the context of an in-person relationship.

"Facebook is different from that. You know who people are, and you can decide who you continue to share information with. It's really hard for me to say it's been better or worse. I mean, if I had to confine myself to the personal relationships in my immediate physical space, I'm not sure what my life would be like. Maybe less vain. I think the ability to go and seek out an entire universe of people basically anywhere to engage in personal relationships with makes a person more picky, less compromising, and more selfish.

"To a certain extent, I suppose its important to know one's self, one's strengths and weaknesses, what your propensities are. As long as there's a light at the end of the tunnel where you're actually putting it to the service of others, I don't think it's necessarily bad. But there's the darker, more self-indulgent aspect of it that needs to be reigned in. There's no doubting that we're different people because of it, but whether it is good or bad is up to us."

Worth Waiting For

"Patience may well be thought of as a gateway virtue, contributing to the growth and strength of its fellow virtues of forgiveness, tolerance, and faith." -Robert C. Oaks, The Power of Patience

"Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!" -Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Continue in Patience

Now, please.

We live in an on-demand age of instant gratification, an age in which pizza (or, say...Chinese stir-fried noodles?) is delivered to our doorstep in under 30 minutes while we download family pictures or movie files at speeds measured in milliseconds. 

Our world has never moved more quickly.  Our world has never been more efficient, more effective, more up-tempo than (wait for it)...NOW!*  It can be a heady sensation, speeding into the future on this crazy fiber-optic bullet train we call the Digital Age.

If only we could reduce people to 1s and 0s.  Talk about time saving!  Friendship downloaded.  Tender memory app installed.  Shared inside joke scanned and uploaded.  Successfully connected to the wi-fi network "meaningful circle of closely held companions."

It sounds silly, but how often do we inadvertently apply our frantic tech-inspired pace of life to the nurturing and maintenance of even our most treasured relationships?  We complain about a society bereft of emotional intimacy but fail to set aside an hour for a phone conversation with a parent.  We fume when a friend takes an hour to respond to a text.**  We return from a long day at work to immerse ourselves in a smart-phone or netbook screen and occasionally wonder why the attention- and affection-starved spouse on the next couch cushion over fails to truly "get us."

That fact is, while society inculcates us with the premise that our own convenience is the most precious commodity of all, the true gems of mortality, the individuals with whom we have the privilege of building families and friendships, defy temporal convenience. 

Put another way, people and patience go hand in hand.

The holistic, soul-to-soul intimacy that each of us desires from our closest associates, the cherished memories, the shared experiences, the deep mutual appreciation and familiarity that turns a "house" into a "home:" all fruits born from the faithful investment of time, diligence, sincerity, hope...in a word, "patience."

The downloading speeds and the rapidly cooling Chinese noodles can wait.  There's a long conversation on a porch to be had.  A school assignment to be gently, slowly corrected.  A ponderous piano recital to attend.  A surprise dinner to bake.  A sincere letter to write.  

The gift of time to give.

"As the Lord is patient with us, let us be patient with those we serve. Understand that they, like us, are imperfect. They, like us, make mistakes. They, like us, want others to give them the benefit of the doubt. Never give up on anyone. And that includes not giving up on yourself." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Continue in Patience

*OK, actually, NOW!

**Well take your circumnavigating time there, Magellan.  No rush.

Do They Know It? (Re-posted)

Days have a way of slipping away from you, don't they?  Like the artichoke heart you're gamely trying to spear off a salad plate at that fancy dinner last Thursday.  Apply the wrong kind of pressure, let your focus wander, and man, she's gone!*

Today was an artichoke heart day. 

Today, somewhere between watching a sunrise, cracking the good book, breakfasting with family, meandering (or rather: striding manfully) through a flower garden, admiring architecture, reflecting on the divine, reflecting on the aftertaste of an amazing hamburger, cloud gazing, gift wrapping, hug sharing, and snapping photos of a brilliant sunset, I forgot all about the empty electronic glow of the ol' Internet.

But lest the message of the week fail to go out, below is a beautiful contribution from Ms. Ashley Custer, re-posted in all it's original, insightful glory!

Do They Know It?

(Guest Post by Ashley Custer; May 22, 2011)

"In the past few weeks I have been shocked by the untimely deaths of two people within my circle. One was the mother of one of my childhood friends. The other was one of my professors at university and the associate dean of my department. I am simply too far away to do much for my childhood friend, but I had the opportunity to attend Alan’s funeral last week. There I not only paid my last respects to one of my favorite lecturers, but also learned more about Alan as a man. The more I heard about Alan, the more my respect for him grew. As I listened to the various tributes over the past couple of weeks, a couple of things struck me.

"First, one of my professors noted that at the mini-memorial held for the department, every person who stood up spoke of Alan as a friend, not just a colleague. When I think of my relationships at the various places I have worked, I find that rather significant. How many of my colleagues have valued my friendship even more than my contribution at work? This is not to say that the workplace should be all fun and games at the expense of fulfilling my duties, of course. Yet there is something special about a person who can get the job done while building strong interpersonal ties that extend beyond the workplace.

"Second, there were so many wonderful things said about Alan, about his character, his love for those around him, his talents, and his many contributions to the health field. This led me to a question that often comes at funerals: “Did he know it?” Alan struck me as a person who encouraged an environment of love and appreciation around him, so I’m sure that he had a pretty good idea of how much his associates valued him. Nevertheless, it is sadly a moot point for Alan. The real question is whether or not our family, friends, colleagues, and other associates know how much we value them? If not, why? I suspect that, while most of us are pretty decent at letting our family and close friends know how much they matter (though more certainly couldn’t hurt), we tend to fail at showing proper appreciation for those who aren’t as close to us, but are still important.

"Why do we tend to hesitate or neglect to show our appreciation and love for those around us? Why do we so often wait until after they have passed on to express to others how much they meant to us instead of to the person himself when we still had time? I received the email address of my eighth grade history teacher a few months ago. I have intended to let her know I had been thinking of her and how much she blessed my life and education that year. I haven’t yet done so, even after my mother – a teacher herself – let me know that teachers simply don’t hear those things often enough. And yet, for no good reason, I have failed to take the fifteen, maybe twenty minutes to do so.

"Sometimes I feel like I need to wait for an “appropriate moment” to show my appreciation, such as at a holiday or when a person has accomplished something significant. But this doesn’t really make any sense. Times where I knew, really knew, that my parents loved and valued me were often those where we would be driving to school or running errands and Mom or Dad would say, “I love you, Ashley,” or “I’m proud of you.” I hadn’t done anything special to merit such remarks. It was the very act of telling me when the comment wasn’t “deserved” or socially required that reinforced the truth so much more. Or those days when a friend would give me a compliment out of the blue, simply because they felt that way. I have treasured those sentiments that mark the daily pleasure of my friendship so much more than the ones that mark great achievements (though I certainly don’t mind those either).

"Life is busy and hectic, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt me to take a few minutes here and there to let my friends and associates, both past and present, know how much I appreciate them. On the contrary, I suspect that doing so would bless my life far more than I imagine. How much brighter could I make people’s days by unexpectedly sending an email, mailing a card (oh how delightful it is to receive something other than junk and bills in the mail!), or calling them on the phone – especially when it’s from half a world away.

"Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a long overdue email to Ms. G. to write."


















*Most likely launched into the lap of the woman across from you...metaphorically speaking, of course.

Time Well Spent

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

"Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend." Diogenes Laetius 

Time defines our mortal existence.  How we spend our limited time determines the quality of that existence.  The wise investment of our most precious, finite resource yields the richest rewards.  Paradoxically, the intemperate use of "time-saving" digital diversions of our day can rob us of "real-time" interaction with loved ones.  

In that vein, I would assert that the decision to "sacrifice" the time set aside to compose a lengthier article for a heartfelt, extended conversation with a younger sister would indicate that  today was well-lived indeed.

Ennobling Refinement

“If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” (13th Article of Faith)

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home:

Heaven lies about us in our infancy!" 

 -William Wodsworth, Intimations of Immortality


Each of us is born to be great.  Each of us is meant to "fulfill the measure of our creation."  But our Digital Age of Enlightenment coexists with an Age of Careless Convenience, of ill-punctuated text messages, of embarrassing photographs thoughtlessly published on social media, and of steeply declining standards in appearance and manners (see: Crocs, All Neon-colored Iterations Of).

Thankfully, bold champions of propriety, civility, and refinement continue to encourage us to "stand a little taller, to lift our eyes and stretch our minds." (Gordon B. Hinckley)


In his 2006 address entitled "Your Refined Heavenly Home," Elder Douglas L. Callister issues such encouragement, challenging each of us to live up to our divine potential by "paint[ing] a word picture of the virtuous, lovely, and refined circumstances that" await us beyond the mortal veil.

The full text and video are available at http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=11394.  Some thoughts from his address:

• "The nearer we get to God, the more easily our spirits are touched by refined and beautiful things."

• "I imagine that our heavenly parents are exquisitely refined. In this great gospel of emulation, one of the purposes of our earthly probation is to become like them in every conceivable way so that we may be comfortable in the presence of heavenly parentage."

• "Refinement is a companion to developed spirituality. Refinement and spirituality are two strings drawn by the same bow."

Refinement of Speech:

• "God speaks all languages, and He speaks them properly. He is restrained and modest of speech."

• "Our language reveals our thoughts, our virtues, our insecurities, our doubts, even the homes from which we come. We will feel more comfortable in Heavenly Father’s presence if we have developed proper habits of speech."

• "Refinement in speech is more than polished elocution. It results from purity of thought and sincerity of expression. A child’s prayer on occasion may reflect the language of heaven more nearly than a Shakespearean soliloquy."

• "Refinement in speech is reflected not only in our choice of words but also in the things we talk about. There are those who always speak of themselves, and they are either insecure or proud. There are those who always speak of others. They are usually very boring. There are those who speak of stirring ideas, compelling books, and inspiring doctrine. These are the few who make their mark in this world."

Refinement in Entertainment:

• "I don’t know whether our heavenly home has a television set or a DVD machine, but in my mind’s imagery it surely has a grand piano and a magnificent library."

•  "The images to which our minds are exposed are held in store, seemingly forgotten, even for years. But at the crucial moment they re-present themselves to influence our thoughts and lives. And so it is with the music, literature, art, media, and other images to which we are exposed."

• "When some music has passed the tests of time and been cherished by the noble and refined, our failure to appreciate it is not an indictment of grand music. The omission is within."

Refinement in Appearance and Conduct:

• "That which has been said about bringing great language, music, and literature into the home...may also be said of our physical appearance and manners."

• "We must not “let ourselves go” and become so casual—even sloppy—in our appearance that we distance ourselves from the beauty heaven has given us."

• "Every man has the right to be married to a woman who makes herself as beautiful as she can be and who looks in the mirror to tidy herself up before he comes home."

• "Every woman has a right to be married to a man who keeps himself clean, physically as well as morally, and takes pride in his appearance." 

• "A husband should hurry home because of the angel who awaits him, and that angel should be watching the clock awaiting his arrival."

Elder Callister reminds us that we "are children of an exalted being. [We] are foreordained to preside as kings and queens. [We] will live in a home and environment of infinite refinement and beauty, as reflected in the language, literature, art, music, and order of heaven."

Whether we live up to our refined privileges in our media-saturated, entertainment-obsessed, morally cavalier society is a decision made with each conversation, each wardrobe choice, each piece of art on the wall, and each Friday night plan.

And our refined Heavenly Father stands ready to help us make the right one.

Our Best Selves

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." (Matthew 16:25)

"The best mirror is an old friend." (George Herbert)

Being "all that we can be" has never appeared easier.  The Internet and related technological advances have personalized and made available information, knowledge, skills and opportunities for learning to an extent unknown in the history of man.

Today, the world over, from Montana to Mongolia, the average adult is healthier, better educated, and more aware of the world in which he lives than any other previous generation.  The increased disposable time we enjoy via modern conveniences allows us to focus on self-improvement, hygiene, fashion, the cultivation of hobbies and talents, advanced degrees, exotic travel and many, many noble activities of self-fulfillment. 

But how can we keep our quest for self-improvement from becoming a trap of self-centered living?  In our efforts to make ourselves more lovable, do we neglect to focus on loving others along the way?

Paradoxically enough, we often find our best selves reflected in the bright eyes of those to whom we have opened our hearts.  We may be introverted or extroverted, shy or gregarious, but our best, most sincere "self" emerges consistently as we reach out to our family and friends.  Ultimately, what good are talents, hobbies, wealth, and education if their assiduous cultivation robs us of the "weightier matters?" (D&C 117:8)  Be it quality time, small acts of service, affectionate words, gifts from the heart or a generous embrace, we stoke the embers of our own divinity as we share the light of selfless love.  To quote an old children's song:

     Love is something if you give it away,
     Give it away, give it away.
     Love is something if you give it away,
     You end up having more.

     It's just like a magic penny,
     Hold it tight and you won't have any.
     Lend it, spend it, and you'll have so many
     They'll roll all over the floor.  
         
          -"Magic Penny" by Malvina Reynolds

Hopefully our efforts to becoming "all that we can be" in the modern age will eschew the self-absorbed concept of "finding ourselves" for the infinitely more rewarding approach of "sharing ourselves."

Have you ever...

Talked face to face through the night with a friend, sacrificing valuable sleep for invaluable extra moments together?

Lost all track of time on a deep conversation with parents and showed up late for work?

Missed a new movie's midnight showing to listen patiently to a lonely neighbor?

Left a raucous dance party to gaze at the stars and communicate with the Divine?

Sacrificed 30 minutes of "quality" Facebook time to help a daughter with piano lessons?

Put off reading a self-indulgent novel to write a letter to a grandparent?

Sent anyone a handwritten, snail-mail Thank You card?

Turned off a football game to help your wife with the dishes?

Turned off a "chick flick" to bake your husband's favorite pie?

Gotten up far too early to cheer on a son's Saturday morning soccer game?

Driven an hour out of your way to replace an impersonal text message with an in-person embrace?

Spent so much time wrestling with three very energetic nephews that you ran out of time to craft a more lengthy blog post?

If so, congratulations on living, and living well.

"What desirest thou?" The Beauty of Priorities Applied

 "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." (Matthew 6:21)
 
"Our priorities determine what we seek in life." (Dallin H. Oaks)

"Action expresses priorities" (Mahatma Gandhi)

Why do our daily choices so often utterly fail to reflect our most deeply held priorities?  

Our espoused priorities, those we verbally express to ourselves and others, reveal our most deeply held desires.  It may be said that the most ubiquitous of human desires is lasting happiness, a motivating force as integral to the mortal condition as food, drink, and air.

Yet our actual priorities, those upon which we daily act, far too often confirm the depressing maxim that "the greatest cause of unhappiness in the world today is giving up what we want most for what we want now." (Unknown)  We sacrifice lasting happiness for momentary pleasure.  Enduring love for fickle lust.  The ennobling joys of selfless service for the ephemeral gratification of self-centered pursuits.  But we don't have to.  

The same divinely appointed powers of habit which drive negative behavior can equally empower us to become enlightened, loving, Children of God, those who chart their lives according to the stars of divine priorities.  As Stephen Covey so eloquently argues, "the key is not to prioritize what's on [our] schedule[s], but to schedule [our] priorities."

And what of the ultimate goal of our priorities, obtaining the natural desire for lasting happiness?  A general argument may be made for a direct correlation between a person's happiness and the quality of his interpersonal relationships with others.  A wise man once (in fact, frequently) said: "What matters most in life is the relationships you maintain and the lives you touch." (Author's Father, Unsolicited [but Always Appreciated] Paternal Advice, 1986-present.)

Whatever vocational achievements we may reach, whatever academic merits we may obtain, whatever financial heights we scale, whatever Facebook photo-worthy adventures in which we engage...all pale in comparison to the individual lives we touch and the love we give.  Life's success is ultimately measured by the loved ones at our graveside, not the quickly forgotten stories of workplace prowess.

Thank Heaven for the gift of Time, and for the individual agency we enjoy to give that gift as we see fit.  "Facebooking" or reading with a child?  Downloading a movie or visiting a neighbor?  Inane internet chatting or an affectionate hug for a spouse?  Overtime at work or dinner with family?  And so, hour on the hour, our true priorities reveal themselves...

"Positive Uses of the Internet"

"Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection." (D&C 130:18)

"We live in what is described as the period of the most enlightenment since the creation of the world.  Scientific achievements of today are staggering to the human mind." (Elder Howard W. Hunter, Of the World or of the Kingdom?, January 1974)

What a wonderful world in which we and our loved ones live!

What a miraculous blessing to talk "face to face," in real time, with friends and family across the globe!  To send and receive gifts across continents.  To have a near limitless store of knowledge and learning at our fingertips.  To watch as the world grows daily smaller and more interconnected.

Thank Heaven for papyrus, for the printing press, for the internet, and for the divine guidance to use these technical revelations for the benefit of man.

And when it comes to our modern-day Gutenberg revolution, Ms. Elizabeth Stitt provides a wonderful article on "Positive Uses of the Internet" in the June 2010 issue of the Liahona:

http://lds.org/liahona/2010/06/positive-uses-of-the-internet?lang=eng

May we heed the call of latter-day Apostles of Christ to "makes sure that the choices [we] make in the use of new media are choices that expand [our] mind[s], increase [our] opportunities, and feed [our] souls." (Elder M. Russell Ballard, Sharing the Gospel Using the Internet, July 2008)

Power Within Us

“Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.” (D&C 58: 27-28)

"With great power comes great responsibility." -Uncle Ben Parker (You know...the Ben Parker)


Tomorrow we celebrate yet another triumph in the continuing struggle for individual liberty: American Independence Day (bust out the corn dogs and cue the fireworks)! We celebrate the privilege of charting our own destiny through the accumulation of our own decisions and their attendant consequences. Is there anything more invigorating and soul-stirring than the realization that we truly are the “masters of our fates,” the “captains of our souls?” (Invictus, William Ernest Henley)

Conversely, is there anything more enervating and soul-shaking than the pain of watching our loved ones exercising their liberty to reach poor decisions and their inescapable punishments?

We sometimes make the mistake of assuming that the same free agency we credit with all the self-empowering liberty in our own lives renders us paradoxically powerless to change the negative in those we love. A child's apathy towards school, a friend's weakening conviction in Christianity, a husband's professional discouragement, a new mother's postpartum depression, an overweight sibling's poor eating habits...all seem beyond our power to influence.

Yet we are commanded to “lift up the hands that hang down, and the feeble knees.” (Hebrews 12:12) We are encouraged to “let our light so shine” that our loved ones might glorify our Heavenly Father through our example. (Matthew 5:16) We are told (twice) that “the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:14; D&C 74:1) Why is it that individual liberty, an intensely personal thing, is exercised in such an intimately interpersonal mortality? Truly we are our neighbor's keeper, all the more so in the case of our loved ones to whom we owe our “sacred support.” (Alma 44:5)

Ultimately, we cannot force them, or anyone, to change for the better unless they choose to do so. But to assume we cannot influence or ennoble their choices through our own edifying presence, refined bearing, consistent character, vocal encouragement, and selfless nurturing is to deny the divine spark within every upright man and gracious woman. It is to deny the power within us as children of God: living, breathing, walking reflections of his luminary love.

And nowadays He has blessed us with more tools than ever to uplift those around us with that reflected love. Email, social networks, text messages, and the miracles of modern communication all allow us to reach out to spouses, children, parents, siblings, friends and neighbors when they need us most. Each of these media has their place in our efforts to guide and safeguard in selfless love the liberty of our fellow man, but can any of them truly replace the power of in-person attention and affection?

Of course, in-person anything is less efficient. It takes a bit more time. But true liberty is not concerned with the self-centered maintenance of “disposable time” for its own sake. True liberty is about choosing freely to whom we devote that time. So if you have so much to good to give, so much righteous influence to help guide your loved ones' decisions, and such a limited mortal span in which to do it...maybe it's time to log off for today.

Lighting the Hero Within

“Never was there a time in the history of the world when moral heroes were more needed. The world waits for such. The providence of God has commanded science to labor and prepare the way for such. For them she is laying her iron tracks, and stretching her wires, and bridging the oceans. But where are they?” [Unknown Quote]

"We see life's true worth in the luminous souls around us." (Author, "FidelityForLife blot post, 26 June 2011) 

You know what we could really use around here?  Some good old-fashioned heroism.*  On this up-and-down journey we call mortality, our loved ones need, and deserve, heroes (or heroines, as the case may be).  They deserve role models willing to shine as lights, to reflect His light with their "good works:" their kind words, their selfless service, their courage to hope and love and live.

Of course, we’re not perfect.  And the "good news" of the Gospel is that we don't have to be.  Nor can we afford to wait until we are.  Recall the story of the Jaredites.**

Imagine that we are all sailing in the “barges of mortality,” confined within the wooden walls of the veil, and thus often unable to see the greater perspective of our mortal journey.  At times we may feel as though we are buried in the depths of the sea; at other times as though we are riding the crests of the waves.  So often we may have little or no control over the sea of life through which we are called to sail, but we can control the light we give off during the voyage.  Perhaps we are imperfect, rough-hewn stones--eminently humble things, but with the potential to be touched by our Savior to reflect His light to our brothers and sisters who sail in darkness.  

The Holy Scriptures and latter-day counsel are replete with the symbolism of light for those who are converted to the principles of applied Christianity:

• “Their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word” (Alma 5:7)
• “The gospel of Jesus Christ is not a religion of mourning and gloom. The faith of our fathers is one of hope and joy. It is not a gospel of chains but a gospel of wings. To embrace it fully is to be filled with wonder and to walk with an inner fire. Our Savior proclaimed, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” (Elder Wirthlin, “The Abundant Life” [Italics added])
• “Ye are the light of the world.” (Matthew 5:14)
• “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)

It’s easy to mistake heroism with the shallow imitations we see in today's pervasive pop-culture.  It's easy to live life under a media bushel, distracted by computer games, questionable films, low-quality TV, vapid internet indulgence, and soul-numbing, raunchy music...but it's only a life half-lived. 

As it turns out, you don't need superhuman strength to be a hero.  You don't need an iron will that never falters, a catchy soundtrack, or even a super-secret lair (though, admittedly, that would be pretty sweet).  When it comes to your spouse, your parents, your kids, your friends and your neighbors, you just need to show up.  

You just need to be there.  

Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually--present, doing your best to reflect the light of divine love by listening, by encouraging, by serving, by sharing.  True heroes are willing, despite their imperfections, to shine anyway.   

So...as captivating as the dull flicker of this computer monitor is, don't you have some light that needs sharing elsewhere?

*And some Oreos.  Lots of 'em.

**This particular story begins in the Book of Mormon, Ether chapter 3, with one of the most beautifully humble prayers in all scripture.

Let's hear it for Bad Days!

“For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so...righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad.” (2 Nephi 2:11)
“Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment....Thy friends do stand by thee.” (D&;C 121:7-9)


Bad days.

We all have them.  No matter how on-the-ball we think we are, sooner or later we have a "bad day." Sometimes it's a "bad week."  In hindsight, I'm pretty sure I had a "bad junior high."  It's just part of life.  A crucial part of life, in fact; the emotional and circumstantial crucible (new vocab word!) in which we forge our own characters.  

Tenderness for a wife?  Unwavering support of a husband?  Assiduous nurturing of a son or daughter? Selfless service to a friend?  Faith, hope, charity and love?  Please.  Easily done...on our good days. Then there are the days of two-hour traffic jams.  And unmet work deadlines.  Failed school exams. Illness.  Discouragement.  Creamy peanut butter in the cupboard (I only do chunky!).    

Each of us has different ways of coping with life in all its unpredictable, often inconvenient, yet ultimately priceless complexity.  For introverts and extroverts alike, a time-honored remedy for the blues is a bit of time alone, in peace and quiet, to put things back into perspective.  But where's that fine line between a well-deserved break from the world and risky emotional withdrawal?  Where does healing, reflective solitude end and poisonous, self-centered wallowing begin?

Oh, I don't know.

Or do I?

No, I really don't.  That fine line is different for each of us.  But there are a few general principles that might prove helpful:
Family and friends, by definition, are there to listen, to uplift, to empathize and hug.  Allowing them to do so in our own times of need not only comforts us, it validates them as well.
Self-imposed emotional isolation does not, and never did, equate “strength.”
We're not the only ones who have bad days.  The more we find ourselves concerned with our own blown-out-of-proportion misery, the more we jeopardize our emotional recovery while ignoring the needs of our loved ones next door.
Our virtual age is positively drowning in the siren songs of escapism, self-centered gratification, and me-centric technological entertainment, hawked and advertised as pillars of the modern lifestyle and panaceas for boredom, discouragement, loneliness, and sadness.  And to the extent they separate us from real-time, intimate relationships, they undermine our best remedies for the “bad days:” 
Holding a girlfriend's hand; 
Sincerely thanking a parent; 
Hugging a child; 
Encouraging a boyfriend; 
Embracing a spouse; 
...Living, and living well.