In Defense of Manhood

"Pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and your children may be blessed. (3 Nephi 18:21)

"True manhood is not always measured by the fruits of one's labors but by the labors themselves--by one's striving." (D. Todd Christofferson, Let Us Be Men, October 2006 LDS General Conference)

Sometimes it's not easy being a man.

Mind you, it's not all doom and gloom.  The extra upper body strength comes in handy, relative emotional constancy is kind of nice, and concepts like the "glass ceiling" and "mascara" rarely enter into our psyche.  Throw in our rustic good taste and charming demeanors, and the male condition begins to look pretty good.

But before you think men have it easy, make sure you check the small print.  Manhood, true manhood, is firmly linked with stewardship, with a solemn responsibility to care for life's talents, abilities, possessions and resources, all with the ultimate object of providing "the sacred support which we owe to our wives and children." (Alma 44:5)  The men I know shoulder this accountability gladly.  And manfully.

But sometimes, it's not easy.

Especially nowadays.  It seems that everywhere we turn, our modern-day society is launching attack after attack on manhood.  Even among devout Christians, we hear subtly condescending sentiments such as "all men are little boys at heart," "men are commitment-shy," and "men need to feel needed."  Let's take a quick look at each of these unfortunate generalizations, shall we?

1. "All men are little boys at heart."

It should be a compliment, but this smug, glib phrase is often used in a way that slights both men and boys, suggesting an irresponsible immaturity that undermines the innate male nobility.  That nobility should be clear to anyone who has watched a little boy courageously square his shoulders under his father's admonition to "take care of Mom" while he's away.  It should be clear to anyone who has heard a young son's exuberantly expressed desire to be a fireman, a soldier, a pilot, a father--in short, a hero.  And it should be clear to anyone who has watched their father or husband sacrifice a dream career (so long, dreams of Mesoamerican archeology!) for the greater dream of a family.

Both men and little boys are, at heart, divinely designed and appointed presiders, providers, and protectors (albeit at different developmental stages), and they deserve respect and encouragement in their roles.

2. "Men are commitment-shy."

We hear that there are plenty of men in their 20s who enter into a "strange, transitional never-never land between adolescence and adulthood in which people stall for a few extra years" while putting off adult responsibility. (Lev Grossman, "Grow Up? Not So Fast," Time, Jan. 24, 2005. 44, 42.)  And when we're looking for slackers, they're easy to find; so easy, in fact, that we overlook legions of earnest young men diligently completing school, embarking on careers, serving faithfully in their churches, and in general doing what good men do best: making the world a safer, better place for their loved ones, one step at a time.  

And if some of them seem hesitant, as though sincerely anxious not to rashly make those momentous choices that will impact their ability to be faithful stewards...perhaps they deserve, every now and again, the benefit of the doubt.

3. "Men need to feel needed."

Let us be clear.  Men are needed.  Men are extremely needed!  There has never been a time when the world (and each and every family in it) has absolutely needed strong, righteous men.  We don't need the superficially perfect men of the misleading "chick-flick" genre.  We need men who kneel in humble awareness of their imperfections, stand tall in spite of those imperfections, and gladly take upon them the name of Him who heals imperfections.

Christian men live each day of their lives under a weighty, but tremendously empowering injunction: "[The Savior] gave His life to redeem mankind.  Surely we can accept responsibility for those He entrusts to our care.  Brethren, let us be men, even as He is." (D. Todd Christofferson, Let Us Be Men, October 2006)

A great majority of the men around us are sincerely trying to live up to the responsibilities of manhood.   And as long as we're online, it would sure be easy to send one of them an email, a chat message, a Facebook post, or even a real-time phone call (or is that just crazy talk?) to let him know just how much we appreciate who he is, and who he's trying so hard to be.