Do They Know It? (Re-posted)

Days have a way of slipping away from you, don't they?  Like the artichoke heart you're gamely trying to spear off a salad plate at that fancy dinner last Thursday.  Apply the wrong kind of pressure, let your focus wander, and man, she's gone!*

Today was an artichoke heart day. 

Today, somewhere between watching a sunrise, cracking the good book, breakfasting with family, meandering (or rather: striding manfully) through a flower garden, admiring architecture, reflecting on the divine, reflecting on the aftertaste of an amazing hamburger, cloud gazing, gift wrapping, hug sharing, and snapping photos of a brilliant sunset, I forgot all about the empty electronic glow of the ol' Internet.

But lest the message of the week fail to go out, below is a beautiful contribution from Ms. Ashley Custer, re-posted in all it's original, insightful glory!

Do They Know It?

(Guest Post by Ashley Custer; May 22, 2011)

"In the past few weeks I have been shocked by the untimely deaths of two people within my circle. One was the mother of one of my childhood friends. The other was one of my professors at university and the associate dean of my department. I am simply too far away to do much for my childhood friend, but I had the opportunity to attend Alan’s funeral last week. There I not only paid my last respects to one of my favorite lecturers, but also learned more about Alan as a man. The more I heard about Alan, the more my respect for him grew. As I listened to the various tributes over the past couple of weeks, a couple of things struck me.

"First, one of my professors noted that at the mini-memorial held for the department, every person who stood up spoke of Alan as a friend, not just a colleague. When I think of my relationships at the various places I have worked, I find that rather significant. How many of my colleagues have valued my friendship even more than my contribution at work? This is not to say that the workplace should be all fun and games at the expense of fulfilling my duties, of course. Yet there is something special about a person who can get the job done while building strong interpersonal ties that extend beyond the workplace.

"Second, there were so many wonderful things said about Alan, about his character, his love for those around him, his talents, and his many contributions to the health field. This led me to a question that often comes at funerals: “Did he know it?” Alan struck me as a person who encouraged an environment of love and appreciation around him, so I’m sure that he had a pretty good idea of how much his associates valued him. Nevertheless, it is sadly a moot point for Alan. The real question is whether or not our family, friends, colleagues, and other associates know how much we value them? If not, why? I suspect that, while most of us are pretty decent at letting our family and close friends know how much they matter (though more certainly couldn’t hurt), we tend to fail at showing proper appreciation for those who aren’t as close to us, but are still important.

"Why do we tend to hesitate or neglect to show our appreciation and love for those around us? Why do we so often wait until after they have passed on to express to others how much they meant to us instead of to the person himself when we still had time? I received the email address of my eighth grade history teacher a few months ago. I have intended to let her know I had been thinking of her and how much she blessed my life and education that year. I haven’t yet done so, even after my mother – a teacher herself – let me know that teachers simply don’t hear those things often enough. And yet, for no good reason, I have failed to take the fifteen, maybe twenty minutes to do so.

"Sometimes I feel like I need to wait for an “appropriate moment” to show my appreciation, such as at a holiday or when a person has accomplished something significant. But this doesn’t really make any sense. Times where I knew, really knew, that my parents loved and valued me were often those where we would be driving to school or running errands and Mom or Dad would say, “I love you, Ashley,” or “I’m proud of you.” I hadn’t done anything special to merit such remarks. It was the very act of telling me when the comment wasn’t “deserved” or socially required that reinforced the truth so much more. Or those days when a friend would give me a compliment out of the blue, simply because they felt that way. I have treasured those sentiments that mark the daily pleasure of my friendship so much more than the ones that mark great achievements (though I certainly don’t mind those either).

"Life is busy and hectic, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt me to take a few minutes here and there to let my friends and associates, both past and present, know how much I appreciate them. On the contrary, I suspect that doing so would bless my life far more than I imagine. How much brighter could I make people’s days by unexpectedly sending an email, mailing a card (oh how delightful it is to receive something other than junk and bills in the mail!), or calling them on the phone – especially when it’s from half a world away.

"Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a long overdue email to Ms. G. to write."


















*Most likely launched into the lap of the woman across from you...metaphorically speaking, of course.

Time Well Spent

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

"Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend." Diogenes Laetius 

Time defines our mortal existence.  How we spend our limited time determines the quality of that existence.  The wise investment of our most precious, finite resource yields the richest rewards.  Paradoxically, the intemperate use of "time-saving" digital diversions of our day can rob us of "real-time" interaction with loved ones.  

In that vein, I would assert that the decision to "sacrifice" the time set aside to compose a lengthier article for a heartfelt, extended conversation with a younger sister would indicate that  today was well-lived indeed.

Ennobling Refinement

“If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” (13th Article of Faith)

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home:

Heaven lies about us in our infancy!" 

 -William Wodsworth, Intimations of Immortality


Each of us is born to be great.  Each of us is meant to "fulfill the measure of our creation."  But our Digital Age of Enlightenment coexists with an Age of Careless Convenience, of ill-punctuated text messages, of embarrassing photographs thoughtlessly published on social media, and of steeply declining standards in appearance and manners (see: Crocs, All Neon-colored Iterations Of).

Thankfully, bold champions of propriety, civility, and refinement continue to encourage us to "stand a little taller, to lift our eyes and stretch our minds." (Gordon B. Hinckley)


In his 2006 address entitled "Your Refined Heavenly Home," Elder Douglas L. Callister issues such encouragement, challenging each of us to live up to our divine potential by "paint[ing] a word picture of the virtuous, lovely, and refined circumstances that" await us beyond the mortal veil.

The full text and video are available at http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=11394.  Some thoughts from his address:

• "The nearer we get to God, the more easily our spirits are touched by refined and beautiful things."

• "I imagine that our heavenly parents are exquisitely refined. In this great gospel of emulation, one of the purposes of our earthly probation is to become like them in every conceivable way so that we may be comfortable in the presence of heavenly parentage."

• "Refinement is a companion to developed spirituality. Refinement and spirituality are two strings drawn by the same bow."

Refinement of Speech:

• "God speaks all languages, and He speaks them properly. He is restrained and modest of speech."

• "Our language reveals our thoughts, our virtues, our insecurities, our doubts, even the homes from which we come. We will feel more comfortable in Heavenly Father’s presence if we have developed proper habits of speech."

• "Refinement in speech is more than polished elocution. It results from purity of thought and sincerity of expression. A child’s prayer on occasion may reflect the language of heaven more nearly than a Shakespearean soliloquy."

• "Refinement in speech is reflected not only in our choice of words but also in the things we talk about. There are those who always speak of themselves, and they are either insecure or proud. There are those who always speak of others. They are usually very boring. There are those who speak of stirring ideas, compelling books, and inspiring doctrine. These are the few who make their mark in this world."

Refinement in Entertainment:

• "I don’t know whether our heavenly home has a television set or a DVD machine, but in my mind’s imagery it surely has a grand piano and a magnificent library."

•  "The images to which our minds are exposed are held in store, seemingly forgotten, even for years. But at the crucial moment they re-present themselves to influence our thoughts and lives. And so it is with the music, literature, art, media, and other images to which we are exposed."

• "When some music has passed the tests of time and been cherished by the noble and refined, our failure to appreciate it is not an indictment of grand music. The omission is within."

Refinement in Appearance and Conduct:

• "That which has been said about bringing great language, music, and literature into the home...may also be said of our physical appearance and manners."

• "We must not “let ourselves go” and become so casual—even sloppy—in our appearance that we distance ourselves from the beauty heaven has given us."

• "Every man has the right to be married to a woman who makes herself as beautiful as she can be and who looks in the mirror to tidy herself up before he comes home."

• "Every woman has a right to be married to a man who keeps himself clean, physically as well as morally, and takes pride in his appearance." 

• "A husband should hurry home because of the angel who awaits him, and that angel should be watching the clock awaiting his arrival."

Elder Callister reminds us that we "are children of an exalted being. [We] are foreordained to preside as kings and queens. [We] will live in a home and environment of infinite refinement and beauty, as reflected in the language, literature, art, music, and order of heaven."

Whether we live up to our refined privileges in our media-saturated, entertainment-obsessed, morally cavalier society is a decision made with each conversation, each wardrobe choice, each piece of art on the wall, and each Friday night plan.

And our refined Heavenly Father stands ready to help us make the right one.