Our Best Selves

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." (Matthew 16:25)

"The best mirror is an old friend." (George Herbert)

Being "all that we can be" has never appeared easier.  The Internet and related technological advances have personalized and made available information, knowledge, skills and opportunities for learning to an extent unknown in the history of man.

Today, the world over, from Montana to Mongolia, the average adult is healthier, better educated, and more aware of the world in which he lives than any other previous generation.  The increased disposable time we enjoy via modern conveniences allows us to focus on self-improvement, hygiene, fashion, the cultivation of hobbies and talents, advanced degrees, exotic travel and many, many noble activities of self-fulfillment. 

But how can we keep our quest for self-improvement from becoming a trap of self-centered living?  In our efforts to make ourselves more lovable, do we neglect to focus on loving others along the way?

Paradoxically enough, we often find our best selves reflected in the bright eyes of those to whom we have opened our hearts.  We may be introverted or extroverted, shy or gregarious, but our best, most sincere "self" emerges consistently as we reach out to our family and friends.  Ultimately, what good are talents, hobbies, wealth, and education if their assiduous cultivation robs us of the "weightier matters?" (D&C 117:8)  Be it quality time, small acts of service, affectionate words, gifts from the heart or a generous embrace, we stoke the embers of our own divinity as we share the light of selfless love.  To quote an old children's song:

     Love is something if you give it away,
     Give it away, give it away.
     Love is something if you give it away,
     You end up having more.

     It's just like a magic penny,
     Hold it tight and you won't have any.
     Lend it, spend it, and you'll have so many
     They'll roll all over the floor.  
         
          -"Magic Penny" by Malvina Reynolds

Hopefully our efforts to becoming "all that we can be" in the modern age will eschew the self-absorbed concept of "finding ourselves" for the infinitely more rewarding approach of "sharing ourselves."

Have you ever...

Talked face to face through the night with a friend, sacrificing valuable sleep for invaluable extra moments together?

Lost all track of time on a deep conversation with parents and showed up late for work?

Missed a new movie's midnight showing to listen patiently to a lonely neighbor?

Left a raucous dance party to gaze at the stars and communicate with the Divine?

Sacrificed 30 minutes of "quality" Facebook time to help a daughter with piano lessons?

Put off reading a self-indulgent novel to write a letter to a grandparent?

Sent anyone a handwritten, snail-mail Thank You card?

Turned off a football game to help your wife with the dishes?

Turned off a "chick flick" to bake your husband's favorite pie?

Gotten up far too early to cheer on a son's Saturday morning soccer game?

Driven an hour out of your way to replace an impersonal text message with an in-person embrace?

Spent so much time wrestling with three very energetic nephews that you ran out of time to craft a more lengthy blog post?

If so, congratulations on living, and living well.

"What desirest thou?" The Beauty of Priorities Applied

 "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." (Matthew 6:21)
 
"Our priorities determine what we seek in life." (Dallin H. Oaks)

"Action expresses priorities" (Mahatma Gandhi)

Why do our daily choices so often utterly fail to reflect our most deeply held priorities?  

Our espoused priorities, those we verbally express to ourselves and others, reveal our most deeply held desires.  It may be said that the most ubiquitous of human desires is lasting happiness, a motivating force as integral to the mortal condition as food, drink, and air.

Yet our actual priorities, those upon which we daily act, far too often confirm the depressing maxim that "the greatest cause of unhappiness in the world today is giving up what we want most for what we want now." (Unknown)  We sacrifice lasting happiness for momentary pleasure.  Enduring love for fickle lust.  The ennobling joys of selfless service for the ephemeral gratification of self-centered pursuits.  But we don't have to.  

The same divinely appointed powers of habit which drive negative behavior can equally empower us to become enlightened, loving, Children of God, those who chart their lives according to the stars of divine priorities.  As Stephen Covey so eloquently argues, "the key is not to prioritize what's on [our] schedule[s], but to schedule [our] priorities."

And what of the ultimate goal of our priorities, obtaining the natural desire for lasting happiness?  A general argument may be made for a direct correlation between a person's happiness and the quality of his interpersonal relationships with others.  A wise man once (in fact, frequently) said: "What matters most in life is the relationships you maintain and the lives you touch." (Author's Father, Unsolicited [but Always Appreciated] Paternal Advice, 1986-present.)

Whatever vocational achievements we may reach, whatever academic merits we may obtain, whatever financial heights we scale, whatever Facebook photo-worthy adventures in which we engage...all pale in comparison to the individual lives we touch and the love we give.  Life's success is ultimately measured by the loved ones at our graveside, not the quickly forgotten stories of workplace prowess.

Thank Heaven for the gift of Time, and for the individual agency we enjoy to give that gift as we see fit.  "Facebooking" or reading with a child?  Downloading a movie or visiting a neighbor?  Inane internet chatting or an affectionate hug for a spouse?  Overtime at work or dinner with family?  And so, hour on the hour, our true priorities reveal themselves...

"Positive Uses of the Internet"

"Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection." (D&C 130:18)

"We live in what is described as the period of the most enlightenment since the creation of the world.  Scientific achievements of today are staggering to the human mind." (Elder Howard W. Hunter, Of the World or of the Kingdom?, January 1974)

What a wonderful world in which we and our loved ones live!

What a miraculous blessing to talk "face to face," in real time, with friends and family across the globe!  To send and receive gifts across continents.  To have a near limitless store of knowledge and learning at our fingertips.  To watch as the world grows daily smaller and more interconnected.

Thank Heaven for papyrus, for the printing press, for the internet, and for the divine guidance to use these technical revelations for the benefit of man.

And when it comes to our modern-day Gutenberg revolution, Ms. Elizabeth Stitt provides a wonderful article on "Positive Uses of the Internet" in the June 2010 issue of the Liahona:

http://lds.org/liahona/2010/06/positive-uses-of-the-internet?lang=eng

May we heed the call of latter-day Apostles of Christ to "makes sure that the choices [we] make in the use of new media are choices that expand [our] mind[s], increase [our] opportunities, and feed [our] souls." (Elder M. Russell Ballard, Sharing the Gospel Using the Internet, July 2008)

Power Within Us

“Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.” (D&C 58: 27-28)

"With great power comes great responsibility." -Uncle Ben Parker (You know...the Ben Parker)


Tomorrow we celebrate yet another triumph in the continuing struggle for individual liberty: American Independence Day (bust out the corn dogs and cue the fireworks)! We celebrate the privilege of charting our own destiny through the accumulation of our own decisions and their attendant consequences. Is there anything more invigorating and soul-stirring than the realization that we truly are the “masters of our fates,” the “captains of our souls?” (Invictus, William Ernest Henley)

Conversely, is there anything more enervating and soul-shaking than the pain of watching our loved ones exercising their liberty to reach poor decisions and their inescapable punishments?

We sometimes make the mistake of assuming that the same free agency we credit with all the self-empowering liberty in our own lives renders us paradoxically powerless to change the negative in those we love. A child's apathy towards school, a friend's weakening conviction in Christianity, a husband's professional discouragement, a new mother's postpartum depression, an overweight sibling's poor eating habits...all seem beyond our power to influence.

Yet we are commanded to “lift up the hands that hang down, and the feeble knees.” (Hebrews 12:12) We are encouraged to “let our light so shine” that our loved ones might glorify our Heavenly Father through our example. (Matthew 5:16) We are told (twice) that “the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:14; D&C 74:1) Why is it that individual liberty, an intensely personal thing, is exercised in such an intimately interpersonal mortality? Truly we are our neighbor's keeper, all the more so in the case of our loved ones to whom we owe our “sacred support.” (Alma 44:5)

Ultimately, we cannot force them, or anyone, to change for the better unless they choose to do so. But to assume we cannot influence or ennoble their choices through our own edifying presence, refined bearing, consistent character, vocal encouragement, and selfless nurturing is to deny the divine spark within every upright man and gracious woman. It is to deny the power within us as children of God: living, breathing, walking reflections of his luminary love.

And nowadays He has blessed us with more tools than ever to uplift those around us with that reflected love. Email, social networks, text messages, and the miracles of modern communication all allow us to reach out to spouses, children, parents, siblings, friends and neighbors when they need us most. Each of these media has their place in our efforts to guide and safeguard in selfless love the liberty of our fellow man, but can any of them truly replace the power of in-person attention and affection?

Of course, in-person anything is less efficient. It takes a bit more time. But true liberty is not concerned with the self-centered maintenance of “disposable time” for its own sake. True liberty is about choosing freely to whom we devote that time. So if you have so much to good to give, so much righteous influence to help guide your loved ones' decisions, and such a limited mortal span in which to do it...maybe it's time to log off for today.