"A Little Handwritten Note to Say How Important You Are"

"To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart." ~Phyllis Theroux

"The pen is mightier than the [electronic] server." ~Unknown

"What a lot we lost when we stopped writing letters. You can't reread a phone call."  ~Liz Carpenter

"Letter writing is the only device for combining solitude with good company."  ~Lord Byron

Some of the most touching moments in life, the moments worth living for, are rooted in handwritten letters.  We hold in our hands the paper carefully chosen, inscribed upon, folded and sent with care by loved ones who cared enough to patiently, pensively record in their familiar, individual script a message meant for us, mailed to us, just for us.

That precious paper remains always available for us to retrieve and reread as often as we desire to mentally and emotionally draw near once again to dear friends and family separated by time and distance.  So for those of us looking to reintroduce a little more sincerity and thoughtfulness to our otherwise frenetic lives, fifteen minutes with a pen and paper could be all it takes to make a loved one's day.

Helpful Links:

A comprehensive guide to the art of the handwritten letter: http://www.handwrittenletters.com/

A thought-provoking article on a  disappearing art of communication: http://yourlife.usatoday.com/your-look/5-ways/story/2011/08/Dont-write-off-the-joys-of-a-personal-letter/49915532/1

Online Lessons in Calligraphy and Penmanship: http://www.iampeth.com/lessons.php

Facebook: A Fickle Friendship Facilitator

"Facebook is like jail.  You sit around and waste time, write on walls and get poked by people you don't know" -Unknown

"In Facebook, it's easier to 'Like' than to 'Comment.'  In real life, it's easier to 'Like' than to 'Commit.'"

All in all, Mark Zuckerberg's a pretty smart guy.

Thanks to him and like-minded social media networking programmers, we've never been able to keep in touch with so many friends at once.  We've never been able to reconnect more easily, organize events more quickly, or solicit happy birthday wishes more effectively.

In that vein, a friend, Mr. John Headley, recently shared a very thought-provoking article about double-edged social sword that we call "Facebook:"

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204660604574370450465849142.html


Mr. Headley contributed the following insights on the above article:


"I look at facebook and social netowrking sites as simply another prism through which to view the real world. To a certain degree, I actually think it makes life more intimate, but potentially more harsh. I remember when chat rooms first came out, a great many inhibitions were lost because you were basically talking out into a void. You knew people were on the other end, but you expected you'd never contact them again, and outside of a user name, they knew nothing else about you. So naturally, you said things you might never have said if it had been in the context of an in-person relationship.

"Facebook is different from that. You know who people are, and you can decide who you continue to share information with. It's really hard for me to say it's been better or worse. I mean, if I had to confine myself to the personal relationships in my immediate physical space, I'm not sure what my life would be like. Maybe less vain. I think the ability to go and seek out an entire universe of people basically anywhere to engage in personal relationships with makes a person more picky, less compromising, and more selfish.

"To a certain extent, I suppose its important to know one's self, one's strengths and weaknesses, what your propensities are. As long as there's a light at the end of the tunnel where you're actually putting it to the service of others, I don't think it's necessarily bad. But there's the darker, more self-indulgent aspect of it that needs to be reigned in. There's no doubting that we're different people because of it, but whether it is good or bad is up to us."

Worth Waiting For

"Patience may well be thought of as a gateway virtue, contributing to the growth and strength of its fellow virtues of forgiveness, tolerance, and faith." -Robert C. Oaks, The Power of Patience

"Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!" -Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Continue in Patience

Now, please.

We live in an on-demand age of instant gratification, an age in which pizza (or, say...Chinese stir-fried noodles?) is delivered to our doorstep in under 30 minutes while we download family pictures or movie files at speeds measured in milliseconds. 

Our world has never moved more quickly.  Our world has never been more efficient, more effective, more up-tempo than (wait for it)...NOW!*  It can be a heady sensation, speeding into the future on this crazy fiber-optic bullet train we call the Digital Age.

If only we could reduce people to 1s and 0s.  Talk about time saving!  Friendship downloaded.  Tender memory app installed.  Shared inside joke scanned and uploaded.  Successfully connected to the wi-fi network "meaningful circle of closely held companions."

It sounds silly, but how often do we inadvertently apply our frantic tech-inspired pace of life to the nurturing and maintenance of even our most treasured relationships?  We complain about a society bereft of emotional intimacy but fail to set aside an hour for a phone conversation with a parent.  We fume when a friend takes an hour to respond to a text.**  We return from a long day at work to immerse ourselves in a smart-phone or netbook screen and occasionally wonder why the attention- and affection-starved spouse on the next couch cushion over fails to truly "get us."

That fact is, while society inculcates us with the premise that our own convenience is the most precious commodity of all, the true gems of mortality, the individuals with whom we have the privilege of building families and friendships, defy temporal convenience. 

Put another way, people and patience go hand in hand.

The holistic, soul-to-soul intimacy that each of us desires from our closest associates, the cherished memories, the shared experiences, the deep mutual appreciation and familiarity that turns a "house" into a "home:" all fruits born from the faithful investment of time, diligence, sincerity, hope...in a word, "patience."

The downloading speeds and the rapidly cooling Chinese noodles can wait.  There's a long conversation on a porch to be had.  A school assignment to be gently, slowly corrected.  A ponderous piano recital to attend.  A surprise dinner to bake.  A sincere letter to write.  

The gift of time to give.

"As the Lord is patient with us, let us be patient with those we serve. Understand that they, like us, are imperfect. They, like us, make mistakes. They, like us, want others to give them the benefit of the doubt. Never give up on anyone. And that includes not giving up on yourself." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Continue in Patience

*OK, actually, NOW!

**Well take your circumnavigating time there, Magellan.  No rush.

Do They Know It? (Re-posted)

Days have a way of slipping away from you, don't they?  Like the artichoke heart you're gamely trying to spear off a salad plate at that fancy dinner last Thursday.  Apply the wrong kind of pressure, let your focus wander, and man, she's gone!*

Today was an artichoke heart day. 

Today, somewhere between watching a sunrise, cracking the good book, breakfasting with family, meandering (or rather: striding manfully) through a flower garden, admiring architecture, reflecting on the divine, reflecting on the aftertaste of an amazing hamburger, cloud gazing, gift wrapping, hug sharing, and snapping photos of a brilliant sunset, I forgot all about the empty electronic glow of the ol' Internet.

But lest the message of the week fail to go out, below is a beautiful contribution from Ms. Ashley Custer, re-posted in all it's original, insightful glory!

Do They Know It?

(Guest Post by Ashley Custer; May 22, 2011)

"In the past few weeks I have been shocked by the untimely deaths of two people within my circle. One was the mother of one of my childhood friends. The other was one of my professors at university and the associate dean of my department. I am simply too far away to do much for my childhood friend, but I had the opportunity to attend Alan’s funeral last week. There I not only paid my last respects to one of my favorite lecturers, but also learned more about Alan as a man. The more I heard about Alan, the more my respect for him grew. As I listened to the various tributes over the past couple of weeks, a couple of things struck me.

"First, one of my professors noted that at the mini-memorial held for the department, every person who stood up spoke of Alan as a friend, not just a colleague. When I think of my relationships at the various places I have worked, I find that rather significant. How many of my colleagues have valued my friendship even more than my contribution at work? This is not to say that the workplace should be all fun and games at the expense of fulfilling my duties, of course. Yet there is something special about a person who can get the job done while building strong interpersonal ties that extend beyond the workplace.

"Second, there were so many wonderful things said about Alan, about his character, his love for those around him, his talents, and his many contributions to the health field. This led me to a question that often comes at funerals: “Did he know it?” Alan struck me as a person who encouraged an environment of love and appreciation around him, so I’m sure that he had a pretty good idea of how much his associates valued him. Nevertheless, it is sadly a moot point for Alan. The real question is whether or not our family, friends, colleagues, and other associates know how much we value them? If not, why? I suspect that, while most of us are pretty decent at letting our family and close friends know how much they matter (though more certainly couldn’t hurt), we tend to fail at showing proper appreciation for those who aren’t as close to us, but are still important.

"Why do we tend to hesitate or neglect to show our appreciation and love for those around us? Why do we so often wait until after they have passed on to express to others how much they meant to us instead of to the person himself when we still had time? I received the email address of my eighth grade history teacher a few months ago. I have intended to let her know I had been thinking of her and how much she blessed my life and education that year. I haven’t yet done so, even after my mother – a teacher herself – let me know that teachers simply don’t hear those things often enough. And yet, for no good reason, I have failed to take the fifteen, maybe twenty minutes to do so.

"Sometimes I feel like I need to wait for an “appropriate moment” to show my appreciation, such as at a holiday or when a person has accomplished something significant. But this doesn’t really make any sense. Times where I knew, really knew, that my parents loved and valued me were often those where we would be driving to school or running errands and Mom or Dad would say, “I love you, Ashley,” or “I’m proud of you.” I hadn’t done anything special to merit such remarks. It was the very act of telling me when the comment wasn’t “deserved” or socially required that reinforced the truth so much more. Or those days when a friend would give me a compliment out of the blue, simply because they felt that way. I have treasured those sentiments that mark the daily pleasure of my friendship so much more than the ones that mark great achievements (though I certainly don’t mind those either).

"Life is busy and hectic, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt me to take a few minutes here and there to let my friends and associates, both past and present, know how much I appreciate them. On the contrary, I suspect that doing so would bless my life far more than I imagine. How much brighter could I make people’s days by unexpectedly sending an email, mailing a card (oh how delightful it is to receive something other than junk and bills in the mail!), or calling them on the phone – especially when it’s from half a world away.

"Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a long overdue email to Ms. G. to write."


















*Most likely launched into the lap of the woman across from you...metaphorically speaking, of course.

Time Well Spent

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

"Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend." Diogenes Laetius 

Time defines our mortal existence.  How we spend our limited time determines the quality of that existence.  The wise investment of our most precious, finite resource yields the richest rewards.  Paradoxically, the intemperate use of "time-saving" digital diversions of our day can rob us of "real-time" interaction with loved ones.  

In that vein, I would assert that the decision to "sacrifice" the time set aside to compose a lengthier article for a heartfelt, extended conversation with a younger sister would indicate that  today was well-lived indeed.

Ennobling Refinement

“If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” (13th Article of Faith)

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home:

Heaven lies about us in our infancy!" 

 -William Wodsworth, Intimations of Immortality


Each of us is born to be great.  Each of us is meant to "fulfill the measure of our creation."  But our Digital Age of Enlightenment coexists with an Age of Careless Convenience, of ill-punctuated text messages, of embarrassing photographs thoughtlessly published on social media, and of steeply declining standards in appearance and manners (see: Crocs, All Neon-colored Iterations Of).

Thankfully, bold champions of propriety, civility, and refinement continue to encourage us to "stand a little taller, to lift our eyes and stretch our minds." (Gordon B. Hinckley)


In his 2006 address entitled "Your Refined Heavenly Home," Elder Douglas L. Callister issues such encouragement, challenging each of us to live up to our divine potential by "paint[ing] a word picture of the virtuous, lovely, and refined circumstances that" await us beyond the mortal veil.

The full text and video are available at http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=11394.  Some thoughts from his address:

• "The nearer we get to God, the more easily our spirits are touched by refined and beautiful things."

• "I imagine that our heavenly parents are exquisitely refined. In this great gospel of emulation, one of the purposes of our earthly probation is to become like them in every conceivable way so that we may be comfortable in the presence of heavenly parentage."

• "Refinement is a companion to developed spirituality. Refinement and spirituality are two strings drawn by the same bow."

Refinement of Speech:

• "God speaks all languages, and He speaks them properly. He is restrained and modest of speech."

• "Our language reveals our thoughts, our virtues, our insecurities, our doubts, even the homes from which we come. We will feel more comfortable in Heavenly Father’s presence if we have developed proper habits of speech."

• "Refinement in speech is more than polished elocution. It results from purity of thought and sincerity of expression. A child’s prayer on occasion may reflect the language of heaven more nearly than a Shakespearean soliloquy."

• "Refinement in speech is reflected not only in our choice of words but also in the things we talk about. There are those who always speak of themselves, and they are either insecure or proud. There are those who always speak of others. They are usually very boring. There are those who speak of stirring ideas, compelling books, and inspiring doctrine. These are the few who make their mark in this world."

Refinement in Entertainment:

• "I don’t know whether our heavenly home has a television set or a DVD machine, but in my mind’s imagery it surely has a grand piano and a magnificent library."

•  "The images to which our minds are exposed are held in store, seemingly forgotten, even for years. But at the crucial moment they re-present themselves to influence our thoughts and lives. And so it is with the music, literature, art, media, and other images to which we are exposed."

• "When some music has passed the tests of time and been cherished by the noble and refined, our failure to appreciate it is not an indictment of grand music. The omission is within."

Refinement in Appearance and Conduct:

• "That which has been said about bringing great language, music, and literature into the home...may also be said of our physical appearance and manners."

• "We must not “let ourselves go” and become so casual—even sloppy—in our appearance that we distance ourselves from the beauty heaven has given us."

• "Every man has the right to be married to a woman who makes herself as beautiful as she can be and who looks in the mirror to tidy herself up before he comes home."

• "Every woman has a right to be married to a man who keeps himself clean, physically as well as morally, and takes pride in his appearance." 

• "A husband should hurry home because of the angel who awaits him, and that angel should be watching the clock awaiting his arrival."

Elder Callister reminds us that we "are children of an exalted being. [We] are foreordained to preside as kings and queens. [We] will live in a home and environment of infinite refinement and beauty, as reflected in the language, literature, art, music, and order of heaven."

Whether we live up to our refined privileges in our media-saturated, entertainment-obsessed, morally cavalier society is a decision made with each conversation, each wardrobe choice, each piece of art on the wall, and each Friday night plan.

And our refined Heavenly Father stands ready to help us make the right one.

Our Best Selves

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." (Matthew 16:25)

"The best mirror is an old friend." (George Herbert)

Being "all that we can be" has never appeared easier.  The Internet and related technological advances have personalized and made available information, knowledge, skills and opportunities for learning to an extent unknown in the history of man.

Today, the world over, from Montana to Mongolia, the average adult is healthier, better educated, and more aware of the world in which he lives than any other previous generation.  The increased disposable time we enjoy via modern conveniences allows us to focus on self-improvement, hygiene, fashion, the cultivation of hobbies and talents, advanced degrees, exotic travel and many, many noble activities of self-fulfillment. 

But how can we keep our quest for self-improvement from becoming a trap of self-centered living?  In our efforts to make ourselves more lovable, do we neglect to focus on loving others along the way?

Paradoxically enough, we often find our best selves reflected in the bright eyes of those to whom we have opened our hearts.  We may be introverted or extroverted, shy or gregarious, but our best, most sincere "self" emerges consistently as we reach out to our family and friends.  Ultimately, what good are talents, hobbies, wealth, and education if their assiduous cultivation robs us of the "weightier matters?" (D&C 117:8)  Be it quality time, small acts of service, affectionate words, gifts from the heart or a generous embrace, we stoke the embers of our own divinity as we share the light of selfless love.  To quote an old children's song:

     Love is something if you give it away,
     Give it away, give it away.
     Love is something if you give it away,
     You end up having more.

     It's just like a magic penny,
     Hold it tight and you won't have any.
     Lend it, spend it, and you'll have so many
     They'll roll all over the floor.  
         
          -"Magic Penny" by Malvina Reynolds

Hopefully our efforts to becoming "all that we can be" in the modern age will eschew the self-absorbed concept of "finding ourselves" for the infinitely more rewarding approach of "sharing ourselves."